Slut Shaming ft. Society

You walk to your wardrobe to get ready for the day. You want to wear a midriff singlet, because it is hot outside and it makes you look damn fine. But you’re going to meet a group of not-so-unattractive boys, and you don’t want them to think you’re some “easy slut”. You swap for a T-shirt. It doesn’t make you feel as good as the midriff, but at least no one will make nasty assumptions about your sex life.

If this was a meme, it would be a #relatablememe. But it’s not a meme, its reality for so many girls in our society who are victimised by the body-policing trend of “slut shaming”. Slut shaming is commenting, assuming, or discriminating against a girl based on her appearance or actions as unnecessarily provocative or sexually active. There are so many issues with this I’m struggling to even find somewhere to start breaking it down.

So I decided to ask the entity who knows best:

Me: Society, what constitutes a slut?

Society: Well, it’s a girl who acts in a way that indicates an inappropriate attitude towards sex and provocativeness.

Me:  Right, so like a girl who cheats?

Society: Yeah kinda, but there’s sorta more to it… it’s also like, a girl who has too much sex in general.

Me: Oh. Well, how much is too much sex?

Society: I mean, I dunno but I suppose… y’know, whatever you think is too much for a respectable girl to have.

Me: But I asked a few different boys, and they all said something different when I asked how many sexual partners is too many for a girl.

Society: …um… uhhh… I guess “too many” depends on what the guy wants. You wouldn’t want a girl who just sleeps around.

Me: Right… ok, how about this: I keep seeing thirteen year old girls referred to as “sluts”, but they’re obviously not sexually active. How does that work?

Society: Oh yeah forgot to add, a slut can also be a girl who is just too provocative.

Me: What do you mean by too provocative?

Society: You know, dressing in those really short clothes that you know they’re only wearing to make guys want to have sex with them.

Me: They’re thirteen????

Society: Yeah but you can still be a slut if you wear clothes that have already been labelled as just slutty in general.

Me: Right, so “slut” is just pertaining to provocativeness?

Society: I guess, yeah,

Me: Why are girls shamed for being provocative?

Society: Because girls should be respectable, otherwise no one will want to date them. It’s just not nice when girls are too sexual and flaunting it everywhere, they need to be reminded to keep it in their non-existent pants.

Me: But no one complains when boys are overly sexual? In fact, they’re treated as legends for having heaps of sexual partners.

Society: Eh, it’s different with boys, y’know? They’re meant to be sexual and all.

Me: ...mate, double standard much?

Society: Yeah I’m shitty like that, thanks for noticing. Shame how so few people do.

So basically we see that there is really no definitive set of criteria for what constitutes a “slut”. The most accurate definition I’ve come across is “A slut is a girl who has more sexual partners than the slut-shamer deems appropriate.” There is extreme arbitration in the definition of a slut, and creates a society where women will be judged for their sex life, promiscuity, or appearance pretty much no matter what.

The main problem with slut shaming is the aforementioned double standard when it comes to appropriate levels of sex and promiscuity between men and women. Women have historically been shamed, discriminated against and abused for being “too sexual”, whatever that is supposed to mean. However men have almost never faced this problem; society not only accepts but celebrates sexual men. A guy who hooks up at a party is a “legend” while she is a “slut”. A guy who takes his shirt off for no other reason than to flaunt his chest is “bringin’ in the bitches,” a girl who reveals even part of her chest is a “slut”. A man goes out specifically to have sex is “getting some action”, a girl who does the same is a “slut”.

Why? Because a male dominated society seeks to suppress female sexuality. Women who are silenced and shamed into a lack of sexual activity are easier to control, and it becomes easier for men to exploit their sexuality. Women who are confident in their promiscuity and outwardly partake in and enjoy sex are a threat to the patriarchal standards of our world, and therefore must be shamed into submission. Yeah I know this sounds melodramatic and ridiculous, but it makes more sense this way: No one is actively thinking of the above when they police a woman’s revealing clothes, or judge her for having “too many” sexual partners whilst celebrating the same characteristics in a man. Instead, they are simply regurgitating social norms that are based on the social conditioning that I just outlined. It is something that has manifested throughout history: in biblical and ancient times there were more serious punishments for female adulterers than male ones. A woman was expected to be a virgin upon marriage, whereas the same condition did not apply to men (and in fact this still happens today, often in countries more strictly controlled by religion). The use of corsets, female genital mutilation, the taboo on female masturbation, these are all contributing factors both historically and currently that condition us to subconsciously believe that women are not meant to enjoy or be confident in sex, as opposed to men.

Slut shaming is so abhorrent because it villainises women for their sex drive – something that is about as natural as you can get – and the way they present their sexuality, which is held at a completely different and totally sexist standard in comparison to men. This results in a perpetuation of rape culture, as “sluttiness” is often used as a defence for a rapist, even though the way a woman presents herself or behaves in regards to her sexuality has nothing to do with consent. Policing what women wear is a manifestation of the suppression of female sexuality, and teaches girls from a young age that they must act according to a certain, very strict and equally arbitrary standard, when we should be encouraging sexual exploration and understanding of your body and sexuality.

Society: Gee Hannah, thanks for letting me know, this is really worrying!

Me: Yup.

Society: What can I do to stop victimising women for their sexuality?

Me: Firstly, quit using the word slut. It normalises slut shaming, and perpetuates body and sex policing.

Society: …but that’s really hard! And the jokes I make are just harmless?

Me: The jokes are harmless in your head, but they accumulate over the millions of people in our society to create a very harmful message that seeps through to us all. And yes, changing your habits like this can be really hard, but surely you putting in that extra bit of effort is worth creating a society where women don’t feel victimised and judged, and rape culture is diminished?

Society: Fair point. Ok I’ll try to stop.

Me: Thanks society, you’re getting better every day!

Society: Nawww

And they all lived happily ever after.

Please leave your thoughts, questions and comments below :)

Hannah