Suck it Up - Women are Expected to Deal With Pain

In an American ER room, men wait an average of 49 minutes to be treated for abdominal pain, but women wait 65. With countless stories of women's abdominal pain being disregarded in a professional medical setting, there seems to be a trend where female pain is not taken as seriously as male pain. When you look at the way society incorporates pain into women's everyday lives, it start to make sense how this phenomenon occurs. From natural instances like childbirth and menstruation, to socially constructed practices of underwire bras and violent pornography, women are told from every angle that they just have to deal with pain quietly and obligingly; it's the cost of being female.

Of course, it is easy to point out that childbirth is inevitably painful - the patriarchy can't be held accountable for the reality of biology. While it's true that this excruciating experience is naturally exclusive to women*, the pain of childbirth is treated almost as taboo. The chauvinist model of the woman in labour behind closed doors while the husband sits outside smoking a cigar is indicative of how women's pain is often silenced; it does not even need to be acknowledged by a "loving" husband. Coupled with this, we are all aware of childbirth, and aware that most women experience a point where they are lying in a bed screaming for perhaps several hours. It is not a wild train of thought to consider that this image of "woman" informs the sexist assumption that women are weak and have a low pain tolerance, especially when our association of men and pain is a snarl and a grimace on the battlefield; a much stronger reaction, and more worthy of social respect. Essentially, although the pain of childbirth is natural and only afflicted on those with female reproductive systems, the social attitudes and assumptions we have created around it make a solid base for further sexist reaction to women's pain.

Menstruation, again, is a biological fact of life that few people with uteruses and vaginas can escape. However period paid, found to be in some cases as painful as childbirth, is hardly ever taken seriously as a medical issue. Period pain has only relatively recently been acknowledged or talked about - periods themselves have only recently been acknowledged or talked about - and whether due to a lingering taboo, the refusal to take female pain seriously, or a mixture of both, women often receive eye rolls when the complain of menstrual cramps. Extreme pain isn't something most people "get used to", even if the same crippling cramps occur every month, each time will be as severe and debilitating as the last. And yet, women are expected to learn to live with it - society won't bother make room for women to take sick leave, trial period pain-relieving medicines or prescribe medicinal marijuana.

This same notion is apparent in other areas of women's lives, like underwire bras, high heels and Brazilian waxes. Although these are ultimately "choices", the pressure from society to have perfectly perky breasts, look "professional" in work-appropriate heels and be totally hairless means that women often unwillingly subject themselves to painful beauty procedures or fashions to appear socially acceptable. The pain of having your pubic hair ripped from your skin is simply a fact of female life, and red welts under your breasts are just another day as an average woman. Some feminists regard waxing and restrictive underwear as bodily mutilation, perpetuated by the patriarchy's toxic beauty standards that encourage women to hurt themselves. Society has constructed beauty standards and gender roles to endorse pain, because women should learn to accept that feeling pain for the benefit of others (read: guys who care about length of pubic hair) is expected of them, and it is impolite to complain.

Women are told to expect pain when on their periods, and aren't taken seriously when they do. Women are told to expect pain when first having sex, and are shamed for being prude when they do. Women are told to wax and pluck and laser, and are laughed at for screaming at the salon.

Women spend their whole lives being told to regularly expect pain, and to not make a fuss about it. So when females are in serious pain, people won't take them seriously because they're being "weak" by not fulfilling their proper role of silent sufferer. Meanwhile, a man complaining of pain will create immediate concern because men would never overreact or exaggerate, unlike that bitch over in the maternity ward who yelled for a spinal block. In some cases, pain may be an inevitable part of having a uterus. But if we can be concerned for the man with kidney stones, we should be concerned for the woman with endometriosis.

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Hannah