Yes, yes, and yes again. Society holds men to toxic and unreachable standards, which simultaneously oppress women and viciously attack your everyday guy. The idea that men are inherently “masculine” is one of the most avidly protected social views, despite its incredible flaws and negative outcomes. Breaking it down:
What is masculinity?
Masculinity is the socially constructed gender role that all people assigned as male are expected to fit into. To clear some things up: being born with a penis does not mean you are male or masculine. Gender identity exists independent of biology, as it is an emotional and mental identity. Similarly, the way you express your identity in terms of “masculinity” or “femininity” is not determined by your genitals or chromosomes, it is determined by how you feel comfortable in your actions, ideas, and interests. So we see that masculinity is just a set of traits and mannerisms arbitrarily labelled as pertaining to men. Preferring blue over pink, or rugby over ballet is not something inherently scientific. Paying for the first date or being disinclined to show emotion is not something that is specifically for men. It is a criteria set up by society in order to keep people in boxes. Yeah, sounds kinda drastic. It is.
How is it established?
If you are mainly given Lego, toy cars and action figures as a child, and you see that the same goes for other boys, you will learn that these kinds of things are only for boys, hence inherently masculine. It is pushed even further when little boys are discouraged from playing with Barbie dolls or pink plush toys. Again, there is nothing biological that makes girls like “girl” toys and boy like “boy” toys other than that is the only thing we perceive to be normal. Even if the borders are allowed to relax slightly, like a parent giving a boy a Bratz doll, the overwhelming influences from advertising, preschool playground norms and kids TV shows overcome this. Toys are a good example, but this kind of social conditioning continues into almost every aspect of society. All-girls schools are more likely to offer food tech and textiles while all-boys schools are more likely to offer engineering and woodwork, creating an idea that the latter subjects (…and subsequent career paths) are more appropriate for men; that they are inherently masculine.
Why is it harmful to men?
I’ve already touched on how women suffer the brunt end of these gender roles in previous articles, and will continue to do so, but men cop it too. Men are told from a young age not to show emotion, because it is “not manly enough”. Boys are told that they are “squealing like a girl”, “crying like a girl”, and “acting like a girl” when they express natural human emotions. Meanwhile, society is sympathetic towards women showing the same emotions. This occurs because emotionalness has been conditioned as incompatible with masculinity; it is too feminine, too weak, too “pussy” to be associated with men and manly standards of strength. So we see a society where men feel shamed and attacked to show emotion, which ends up in a really unhealthy lifestyle of emotional suppression. It also means that when men do break from their standards, and express an affinity for something “feminine”, they are punished by society. They are labelled as gay, she-male, pussy, and a plethora of other insults. It is worth noting that the reason these words are insults is because they are associated with femininity, which is threatening and insulting to the patriarchal standards of masculinity.
So then what do you mean by “masculinity is fragile”?
“Masculinity is fragile” is actually a common phrase often found on social media under a hashtag of the same name. It is a phrase that points out the flaws in our social standards of how men should act, because so much of our lives revolve around men preventing their masculinity from being attacked. Even though adhering to expectations of masculinity limits and inhibits many men’s lives, society continues to strongly protect the standard. This can be seen in advertising, as products traditionally seen as feminine attempt to appeal to men by being hyper-masculine. For example, whilst the Nivea women’s moisturisers are advertised as luxury feminine items, the male moisturisers are in silver and grey boxes, labelled clearly FOR MEN and include taglines like “shower, shave, moisturise, go”. The difference in advertising for what is literally the same product shows how fragile masculinity is, because men would feel embarrassed and effeminate to be seen buying and using a luxury cream packaged in a pale blue tube with flowers. There is nothing biological about men liking silver and grey packaging, and women liking flowers. It’s socially constructed.
Basically, masculinity is the bane of our lives. So don’t worry about “manning up”, just be strong and vulnerable in a way that suits you. You don’t need to say “no homo” every time you hug your friend, because hugging is a normal expression of friendship, and anyway, being gay should not be a taboo. You don’t need to “grow a pair” when you cry, because crying is inherently human, and testicles are not inherently masculine.
Also: https://twitter.com/hashtag/masculinityisfragile <-- its hilarious.
Hannah
